Updates and what not.

So it's been awhile since I posted in hear lol.
I'll just start and let it flow from there.

So a month ago I started personal counseling to deal with my own personal issues. The first 2 were the hardest and I have had 1 since and missed 1 because of the snow. I am feeling better moving towards staying better, my husband is all for the sessions. A little about my past, I pretty much came from an abusive home, abusive in all 3 ways.

For a very long time I walked around with a hateful attitude towards the world because of what I had been through. My mother did not raise me I was raised by great grand parents, she decided at the age of 22 she was not ready to be a mom.

Anyway at 15 I told her and my fathers side of the family what had happened and such. Which they said I was lying lol. About 9 years ago I started having panic attacks and than after the birth of my kids and my mother dying ( we were just starting to move towards rebuilding our relationship), after I had my son whom was born full term but sick. I started going through depression off and on and recently right after getting married . So anyway I am now in the process of working out everything. Some things have already been made clear to me, why I react the way I do in certain situations. So at any rate she also thinks that I may have something medically wrong with me that would cause the depression. Personally I am having symptoms of a hormonal imbalance or a type of tumor on the pituitary gland. I had issues with weight loss and such, I had talked to my previous doctor about it and was told it was ok.

So I have an appointment set up for March, the one thing that tells me that there is something wrong is that I have liquid leaking from my breast when pressure is applied. I know TMI but there is very little if any chance I could be pregnant as I had my tubes tied. So unless it's cancer it can be fixed.

My kids are doing great, my marriage is just like any other lol. I just have personal stuff to get in order.

I did have one run in with the cousin whom I spoke about before. My last counseling session, I can see now that she and I will never be friends again. She was always competitive with me, envious of me and made a lot of rude comments during the 7 years I spoke to her on that level. With the last 2 years being the worse of them all, my problem is that I seem to always attract the same type of females. Anyway she told me she can not trust me because I told my husband what I did ( how does she look saying she can't trust me cause I have a husband, very stupid) I told her that I can't trust her because of all the things she said, and it has become clear to me that she has been playing the fence with other family members and telling them what I told her about them (yes negative) in confidence to her.

So what I learned from her is she has been running her mouth to them about negative stuff I have said about there lifestyle ( leaving out what any she said of course and that she would screw the boyfriend of another cousin whom she talks to on the phone.)

But I'm supposed to keep dealing with her.

That she can't trust me because I told my husband, whom does not like her cause he knows every trifling thing she has said or done, what she has told me in confidence.

So I am wrong for talking to my now husband and when he was my S/O and she is right for telling what she did. I know she did because some of the words I told her were told back to me by the family member I said them about.

How does that sound?

I mean I could easily have ran back to the same family members and told them what she said about them also. That's not my style and never was, So as a result some of them do not like me because of what she told them.

In a way I feel used because when we first started talking they (family)did not like her because they said she was a crap starter and there was a rumor that she had preformed a sex act on the same cousin who's boyfriend she now talks to on the phone. He is an old boyfriend/ babydady back when she was a teen, this boyfriend fathered my cousins now 10 or 11 year old child, now that I think about it this cousin has always been competitive with females. How so, the cousin of the 10 or 11 year old, the kids father is the cousin of this same competitive cousin 2 daughters. My first cousin was dating the guy who later fathered her kid, when my first (really 1st lol) cousin got pregnant by the guy, the competitive cousin got pregnant also by the cousin of my first cousin's baby daddy. The competitive cousin got caught by the first cousin's baby daddy's mom doing the sex act on him. I was not in the picture when all this happened.
So 2 cousins have kids from a family of 2 cousins.

This competitive cousin was not liked by family because of the sex act, which she on the phone confessed to me she did do on him, saying so what she was just a kid.

So anyway I feel used because they did not like her and when she started running back feeding them information, Now they like her, but little do they know she wants to screw the first cousins boyfriend whom (1st cousin ) just had a kid with. That she has been to the guys job a few times, talks to him on the phone (which he spilled all the cousins business to). They first met in a club about 2 or 3 years ago and exchanged numbers. I never liked the fact that she was talking to him and as I began to comment on what they were doing she started telling me less and less.

Since I have talked to this cousin she has had run ins with her female friends and there boyfriends liking her. I never let her get that close if at all to my husband. She took pride in knowing that she talks to this cousins man in that fashion. Anyway she and I will never be on that level and if they want to side with her, let them. I have my own full plate of stuff going on.